


An Unforeseen Bond

by LadyGravdian



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, Fluff, Gen, Kara is super smart, Krypton, Kryptonian Culture, Post Post 2x15, Project Cadmus, Season 2 Canon Divergence, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, don't let anyone tell you otherwise, mind-sharing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-11-10
Packaged: 2018-10-03 05:12:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 19,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10236629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyGravdian/pseuds/LadyGravdian
Summary: Through a kidnapping and the (re)discovering of a genius mind Lena and Kara grow closer.----------In which Kara gets to deal with the problems everyone seems to be ignoring and helps Lena along the way.Maybe Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor. I really don't know yet.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I wanted to explore Kara's connection to her history on Krypton and how it is still affecting her. Since none on the show is doing anything about it I decided to just go with it. I generally dislike Mon-El and think Kara could do sooo much better. I also don't like how Everyone just expects her to keep her emotions down and the only time she was allowed to be anything other than inhumanly good was when she was on Red K.

After an ungraceful landing Kara stumbled into her apartment and almost tripped over the couch. Thankfully her super-reflexes were still working properly and she managed to sidestep the offending piece of furniture in time. Peeling off her uniform, she crashed into her bed and fell asleep instantaneously.  
\-------------------------------------------------------  
….Feeling my way through the darkness guided by a beating heart ….

Her phone woke her up promptly at six a.m. Kara groaned into the sheets and covered her ears with a pillow.

….But I know where to start. They tell me I'm to young to understand....

The song kept playing and her phone increased the volume as if to scold her for remaining in bed. Sighing, she gets up, turning off her alarm on her way to the bathroom. After taking a shower she brushes her teeth, blow dries her hair and does her makeup. Once she's thrown on a knee-length dress, she heads into the kitchen.

As she is making breakfast she basks in the privacy of her flat, which had been in short supply when she had been with Mon-El. She felt a little guilty for not missing him, but changing her feelings was not one of her superpowers. In truth she had been almost relived when those Daxamites had shown up to take him home.

To be fair the whole situation had been weird. She had felt betrayed when she found out that he had lied to her. As it turned out he had been the Daxamite prince and had left everyone else on the planet to fend for themselves. She had been so angry at him that she had almost let it show. She had just barely managed to turn that anger back at herself to keep it down. She drowned her bad feelings towards Mon-El in anger at herself for being stupid enough to get involved with a notorious frat boy when she had known what kind of a person he was.

Shaking her head to get rid of the negative thoughts, she refocused her attention on the large stack of pancakes in front of her. She preferred waffles but she didn't have time in the mornings to wait on the human speed of her waffle maker as it tried to generate the amount of food she needed to keep up with her superhuman metabolism. So she settled for the pancakes which didn't take as long and could be made four at a time.

After breakfast she headed out to work. She had gotten an indecently well-paid clerical job at the city archives. They had been eight staff members short and with a the lack of volunteers it had been easy for her to get a job there. When she proved herself capable of picking up all the slack (thanks to her super speed) they had quadrupled her salary and now she was making a pretty decent income.

“Hey Carrie!” she greeted the receptionist as she walked in.  
“Hey Kara, did you have a nice weekend?”  
“Yeah it was fine. I hung out with my sister.”  
“That sounds nice, have a good day.”  
“You to!”, she answered brightly. She hadn't actually had a nice weekend and the time she had spent with Alex had been either at the DEO or on site during a fight. Last night they had managed to talk a little while she had been recuperating under the sunlamps, but they had both been extremely tired so it hadn't amounted to much. But she couldn't exactly say that to her coworkers so she just smiled and walked to her office. 

She plopped down her purse, took off her jacket, sat down and got to work. At the moment they were digitizing the archives so she scanned in page after page of decades old documents and then started to correct them. Every word and number had to be checked against the original and those that the computer's algorithm couldn't recognize had to be typed in by hand. It was tedious work, but in the privacy of her secluded office allowed her to use her superpowers to their full extent, which sped up the process immensely and she had finished off the stack of files that had graced her desk by mid-morning. She ate her mid-morning snack of 5 sandwiches and then went out to return the files to their right places and grab a stack of new ones...

The other advantage of her unsupervised job was that no one questioned her when she had to rush out for a Supergirl emergency, which happened a lot. Today alone she had stopped 3 armed robberies, saved a total of 23 people from two separate burning buildings and thwarted 3 attacks on different public places. 

She left work at six p.m., her way to her favorite Chinese restaurant being interrupted by two jackasses racing their cars on school road. She managed to stop them from hitting a school bus, but didn't bother changing back into civilian clothes as she grabbed her order from the take-out counter (she would be in uniform all night anyway).

She took off and a few seconds she landed on the balcony on the top floor of L-Corp. Hearing the thud, Lena spun around in her chair and smiled when she saw Supergirl. Kara headed into the office through the glass door that had allowed her to secretly check up on Lena so many times. 

“Hey, how are you feeling?”

“I'm fine , just finishing up with these projections. Why'd you stop by? Do you need something?”

“I just wanted to drop off some dinner for you. I know you always work late and sometimes forget to eat.”

Lena seemed genuinely surprised by that and it took her a moment to answer. “Thanks, but you didn't have to do that. I'm sure National City's greatest hero has better things to do than deliver take-out.” Kara laughed and handed her one of the brown paper bags.

“I was getting dinner anyway. Stopping by here isn't actually to much of a detour.”

“Really?” Lena said, a curious expression taking form on her face.

“What?” Kara asked good naturedly.

“It's nothing. It just hit me that you probably have an apartment somewhere, like a normal person.

“Well I'm not sure if anyone has told you this, but you can't actually sleep when you're flying. At least not if you don't want to bump into something. Helicopter blades are not fun. Trust me, I know!”

“Helicopter blades?” Lena opened up the bag and took out a container of chicken and shrimp lomein. Kara sat down on the couch.

“Yeah, they bend very easily, yet they have enough force to knock me out of the air. At least they did the last time I made that mistake.” Kara giggled to herself and Lena joined in.

“That's all?” Lena said jokingly and Kara decided to keep the joke going.

“No, they also mess up your hair..., though not as much as jet engines.” This sent both of them into another fit of laughter. 

Their moment was interrupted when the doors to the CEO's office burst open and six large, burly looking men in dark tactical gear swept into the room. Kara got up to shield Lena from their gun fire, but none of them pulled the trigger. Instead a grenade rolled into the room. It exploded in a puff of green smoke and Kara was knocked out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Quick update before exams start. 
> 
> Un-betaed as always. All mistakes are my own. I don't own Supergirl or any of the related media.

Lena had been surprised when Supergirl showed up on her balcony, but in a good way. She was actually enjoying an evening that had previously promised to be boring and tedious. The lomein was amazing as always and she was giddy with laughter. She thought about the absurdness of Supergirl having an apartment and paying rent like a normal person. Did her neighbors know that they were living next to National City's greatest hero? Surely not, Supergirl must have some sort of human alter ego to deal with those kinds of things.

They were laughing again and Lena was thinking about how absurd this whole situation was, when her office doors burst open to reveal six darkly dressed men. Supergirl had reacted quicker than humanly possible and was already standing in front of her. Unfortunately this was all to familiar to the CEO and she quietly reached toward the taser in her handbag. Then with an almost inaudible pop! A puff of green smoke erupted in the middle of the room and Supergirl fell onto the ground, unconscious.

Before she could do anything else a tranquilizer dart hit her in the arm and she lost her balance. The men entered the room in full force two of them grabbing Lena, while the four others set about carrying the unconscious alien.  
\--------------------------------------------------  
Lena snapped back into consciousness as they were strapping her down. She opened her eyes and was greeted by a dimly lit warehouse. Turning her head sideways she saw that Supergirl was strapped to a contraption similar to her own. It was a metal table being held in an almost upright position. There were straps and shackles securing her at almost every joint wrists, elbows, knees, ankles, waist and her neck. There was a weird looking contraption mounted on her head. It slightly resembled a helmet and was most likely a prototype as the mess of cables, lights and electrodes was uncovered. The electrodes were attached to Supergirl's head in many different places, but at the back of her head they all attached to a black box which had a thick gray cable coming out the other end. This cable was in turn attached to the clumsy looking machine in the center of the room.

“Ah, you're awake darling!” Lillian Luthor said from her place next to the machine. She has her signature fake smile plastered onto her face and is immaculately dressed, as always. “I was afraid you wouldn't wake up before we were done! This will be such a wonderful opportunity for you!”

“What are you talking about? An opportunity for what!?!”

“To see what a horrible person this freak of nature really is! They don't want to help us just to be nice, that would be absolutely absurd! Thanks to your brother I now have the opportunity to completely devastate Supergirl and get you back at the same time!”

“Wait..What?? What are you going to do to her?!!!”

“Oh, nothing! At least not physically. This machine was one of Lex's last inventions. I'm so glad he had the sense to store the prototype in that bunker.”

“But the bunker blew up!”

“Oh, please. Do you really think that your brother didn't have a security protocol in place should something like that happen? We got in and closed the bunker. Then we left through the emergency exit. With all of the machinery that Lex had stored there.”

“So what are you going to do to her?”

“It's quite simple. Your brother invented this serum for this particular purpose!” She was holding up a vial of dark purple liquid. “It's mainly a mixture of red and blue kryptonite. It will find Supergirl's greatest fears and insecurities and together with the machine create what can only be called a nightmare. More specifically the worst nightmare that Supergirl could possibly imagine!” Lena was horrified. Her mother's big plan was to doom Supergirl to her own, extremely personal, hell. The Super was an incredibly positive and optimistic person with seeming infinite faith inhumanity. She didn't understand how her mother couldn't see that this woman wanted nothing other than the safety of human kind? She decided to change the subject and try to get as much information as she could out of her mother.

“So what are you going to do with me then? I assume you haven't hooked me up like this for nothing.” She gestured to the helmet on her head as best she could.

“Of course not! You know how much I hate wasting time. This machine was originally created so Lex could try to understand that flying, self-righteous piece of trash. We are going to connect your minds! That way you will be able to see into the darkest parts of this being and see it for the parasite it really is.”

“What you're saying is that you are going to put Supergirl into her own personal hell and have me watch what that is?” Terror coursed through her veins and her stomach churned. She didn't like prying into people's lives at all and now she was going to have to witness National City's Hero's most personal and intimate moments.

“Exactly! And we're ready now so this little chat is going to have to end.” Some Cadmus goon injected her arm with a clear fluid and she only heard a little bit more before she went under:

“No! Start with that one. Bring out her happy memories, build her up so she will fall harder...”


	3. Chapter 3

At first everything was black.

 

Then she heard her own laughter. Slowly the scene from her office earlier took shape in front of her. There she was sitting at her desk, laughing, Supergirl sitting on the couch.  
It stayed for a few moments.

 

Then the scene switched to Kara Danvers' apartment.  
But Supergirl wasn't there. Instead Kara's little family was gathered around her coffee table. They were playing GO FISH! and laughing. A bottle of wine and a few glasses were scattered around.  
…She was feeling just as happy as they seemed to be, she guessed that the emotions were part of the memory. But where was Supergirl? If this was her memory shouldn't she be here somewhere? Unless... She looked over at Kara and thought about whether or not her suspicions about the reporter were true...  
...And then she flew right into a tree!” Alex said. Kara fake pouted for a second but then she joined the others in their laughter. “It really wasn't that bad.” Alex scoffed at that comment. “No, really Alex! You can't say that it was worse than than time I accidentally flew to Canada and caused an avalanche with my heat vision!”A light stab of gulit shot through Lena(Kara?) Everyone laughed at that. “You did what??” Maggie gasped in between her howling.  
That confirmed it. Lena had been right and Kara was Supergirl. She wasn't sure how she felt about that, but for now she was slightly relived that it was Kara. How many troubles could a walking ray of sunshine have? She was also worried because she didn't want her friend to get hurt. She was a little hurt that Kara hadn't told her, but she understood why. She wouldn't have trusted herself so easily either.

Now she was in a warehouse. This one how ever was brightly lit and full of people.  
She could see scars on everybody except Kara's. On their arms, on their legs and on their faces. The look of someone who had lost something important was present in all their eyes, but they were talking happily over drinks. The Super logo was burned into the floor, but no one seemed to be paying it any mind. Weapons and computers were scattered all throughout the warehouse and half the people in attendance were wearing some kind of Superhero uniform.

It was thanksgiving and besides Alex, Mon-El and Winn an older woman had joined Kara in her apartment.  
“would you mind giving it a quick five seconds or so?” Eliza asked. Kara nodded and pulled down her glasses roasting the turkey with her heat vision.

Lena wanted to stay out of Kara's personal life, but slowly she was drawn in by the happiness and the sense of family Kara's memories sent coursing through her as more and more of them flashed before her eyes.

More Thanksgivings, Christmases, birthdays, game nights, visits with friends, lunch dates, days at the office, a particularly touching scene with Cat Grant, drinks at the alien bar, movie nights with and without Alex...

Her face showed up a lot more than she had expected. Feeling the emotions and unconditional trust that Kara seemed to associate with memories of her and butterflies swarming in her stomach that were very much her own.

After a while the blackness returned and she noticed two things that were oddly missing. The first was Kara's sixteenth birthday. She had seen Alex's and that of a few friends and Kara's 14th,15th and 17th so she knew that Kara's birthdays were generally celebrated.

The second was that she had seen nothing of Kara much younger than fourteen. The memories before then just didn't appear, even though they had been going backward in time in this chain of memories.

She didn't have any more time to speculate as she was hit by a wave of an emotion that she had never felt before.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to update. It's exam season and then I was offline for awhile, also this chapter was fucking hard to write because I basically had to create an entire culture. As a consolation prize this chapter is more that twice as long as the others, so enjoy!!

The emotion was what she thought other people would describe as homesickness. The lack of a home was something she could identify with, but the feeling of no longer belonging, as it implied that one once had, was strange and very new to her. The blackness receded and Lena saw a 11-year-old girl in an impressively large bed. The glass wall exposed a beautiful view of a large city and invited a red glow into the room.

Kara awoke, at the same time as every morning, to the red glow of Rao. She smiled, excited for a new day and got up. She went over to her wall and placed her hand on the invisible scanner. Her closet door slid open.

She went inside and changed into long white pants and a long-sleeved white shirt. They both had kryptonian blue stripes on the sides as today was an exam day. She exited fully dressed and with brushed hair. She quickly grabbed her shoulder bag and infoCrystal and headed out of her room. She entered the kitchen and her mom handed her a bowl of niogio.

“Good Morning, Mother.”

“Good Morning, Daughter.”

This must be Krypton. It looked so different from what Lena had imagined. Everything was wide and spacious, yet somehow cozy. It was incredibly modern, but reminded her of the castles she used to visit as a child. She had heard of Krypton's red sun, but hadn't expected its light to reach so far, so brightly. She also wondered at the grainy pudding that Kara was eating. How did it taste so good? 

As Kara spooned the niogio into her mouth, her infoCrystal, which she had placed on the table, used holographic flashcards to quiz her on molecular structures and the related vocabulary. She aced it as always.

“Do you have your Astrophysics exam today?”

“No, that's tomorrow. Today I have Advanced Molecular Physics and Organic Engineering.”

For some reason Lena could understand most of what they were saying, even though she knew they were speaking Kryptonese. Yet she had not understood the names of the subjects that had just been mentioned. It was as if part of the translation was missing or the translator lacked a knowledge of scientific vocabulary.(There was a reason she spoke 4 languages.) She hadn't understood most of those holographic flashcards either, though Lena's mind had recognized some sort of molecular structure.

“Well good luck then.” Alura said.  
“Luck?! No daughter of ours needs luck!” Zor-El said good-naturedly as he walked in.  
“Good Morning, Father.” she exclaimed as she got up and hugged her father. After he had picked her up and spun her around she let go. Her parents hugged and smiled at each other when they let go.

“Good Morning, Spouse.”

“Thank you for the breakfast Mother! Goodbye!” Kara grabbed her things and walked quickly out the door and into the wide and tall hallway. Continuing at a similar pace she descended down the spiral staircase at the end of a hallway. Her cousin, a girl about her age with dark hair and a dress similar to Kara's outfit greeted her when she arrived at the port. 

"Good Morning, Kara." 

"Good Morning, Tala." 

She grasped forearms with her best friend and they pulled each other close, with a hand placed on the small of the other's back. Then they let go and gazed at the city through the port. In truth it was just a room with a missing wall to allow shuttles in and out.

Two more students arrived Nol-Ka and Perla-Tor-Ur. They greeted each other quickly as the shuttle arrived. Kara sat upfront with Tala even though she wasn't supposed to. Officially the seating was supposed to be sorted by age so the 13-year-old Perla should sit upfront, but Perla hated heights so she preferred to sit at the back with the 9-year-old Nol.

“So are you excited?” Kara asked her cousin.

“Not really. We can't all be like you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You must be one of the only people in the entirety of Argo City to be excited to actually take the exams.”

“For Rao's sake Tala. If you would change your attitude a bit and stopped complaining about the workload you could enjoy school to. Learning to understand the universe is amazing!”

“Not everyone has your sense of wonder, cousin. I for one will be perfectly happy in what ever guild I'll end up in. For me Krypton is enough. How is you project coming along?”

“It is going fine, but Cytho II keeps deviating.”

“You are sooo lucky that you get to work on your private study project in class.”

“I just chose the kind of project that lends itself to that. What do you have today, IPL right?”

“Yeah, I spent all night studying.”

“Well good luck.” Kara said as the shuttle landed on one of the landing platforms near the top of the conical school building. They all piled out and went their separate ways, almost sprinting from the nervous energy of exam week.

Lena watched curiously, entranced by this strange, new world. Kara's memories pulled her along the complex corridors, stairs and hallways of the school building. Kara navigated them effortlessly and quickly arrived at her Advanced Molecular Physics classroom.

She put her shoulder bag into an open cubby in the wall. After extracting her infoCrystal she pulled the glass sheet down to cover the opening. She hurriedly went inside and placed her infoCrystal on the teachers desk before taking a seat in her usual spot.

The classroom reminded Lena of the labs at her old boarding school. Smooth, back table tops, though they were a bit wider than the ones at her school. When the teacher entered there were 14 other students in the room, what surprised Lena was their age. They were clearly older than both Kara and Tala. She would have placed them around the age of 14. Kara was clearly ahead of her age group. 

Ta-Var-Ul placed Crystals on every occupied desk. Then he went up to his desk and activated the shields. With a turn of the Ta's key the force fields that surrounded each desk to minimize the mess of an explosion turned opaque. Then the Crystals started projecting the exam questions...

While Lena could not read the kryptonese writing that posed the questions she did get part of the meaning. She once again could not understand the scientific vocabulary. Kara was supposed to label the ______ on the model of the ___________ below. Lena however recognized an alkene by its carbon double bonds. It was a complex one at that, a 2-ethyl-4-methyl-1,4-pentadiene. Kara was solving this kind of stuff at 11? 

From what she could see the task was to find the correct name for the molecule depicted and allocate the parts of the name to the different parts of the molecule. There were about 20 questions like that. They were all extremely complicated. Some Lena had not been introduced to until college. Some Lena had never even seen before...

She was breezing through the exam, happily thinking away in her own little bubble. This was an overall exam so they were quizzing her on the basics before moving along the material over the past 20 Seasons chronologically. If this had been a topic exam then only the knowledge acquired during this past season would be asked about in a 100 question exam. She worked her way through the carbohydrates and then through the basics of organic acid base chemistry. To be honest she was almost bored. She had learned most of this before she had even started Sun School. Her father was the head of the science guild after all, and he has been overjoyed at her interest in his work... 

136 questions in, the exam started to get interesting. Here it moved onto the kryptonian brain and body, like how the cells interpreted their DNA and how they communicated with each other to allow the body to function. She really looked forward to the practical chemistry part relating to the brain! 

Kara with now so deep in scientific lingo between I barely got more than articles and operators like explain, answer, balance, interpret, solve, illustrate, etc. She had never been so thankful for her masters in organic chemistry and PhD in bio-engineering. It allowed her to make the assumptions about what was going on, even without the kryptonian translations of the questions. From the illustrations and molecule configurations she came to the conclusion that this part of the exam dealt with DNA processing and inter-cell communication. It hit her again that Kara was 11 in this memory. Eleven! How has she not noticed that her best friend was genius? True, she had not noticed that she was Supergirl, but she should have at least been able to recognize one of her own. Though, come to think of it, she was barely keeping up with what she could recognize, so it was not hard to imagine that the 11 year old Kara was more advanced than she was at 25.

At the end of the 2 hour exam Kara had easily finished all 400 questions. The holograms turned themselves off and the Ta collected the examCrystals.

*************************  
Lena was entranced.

Kara was working on two robots named Rao III and Cyntho II, which seemed to be incredibly precises machines. She was in awe at the meticulous attention the eleven-year-old was paying to every single detail. The robots themselves were things of beauty, streamlined and sturdy. Lena's shock at Kara's genius had faded, giving way to pure scientific curiosity.  
A loud and clear sound penetrated Kara's ear drums. She jumped off her work chair and packed up her things. Then she carefully placed her project back in it's storage spot and not-quite-raced out of the classroom door.

She made her way to the terminal and got into a shuttle with her group.

“So, Tala. How was IPL?” She inquired.

“It was all right. I think I did well enough, but I tripped up when it came to the judicial border in Q48.”

“There is no judicial border in Q48.”

“Exactly, I've always been more partial to the arts you know. How did you do in Advanced Molecular Physics?”

“It was a Shuttle trip. Though I'm not 100% sure I classified the triklogen trinoxide molecule correctly and I think I might have used the wrong carbon string on a carbohydrate. So I'm slightly concerned."

"How many questions did this exam have?" Tala asked pointedly.

"400." Kara conceded grudgingly.

"By Cyntho! You are over analyzing, again! It's a terribly illogical habit of yours that you should have dropped by now." Her cousin was a firm be liver in Kryptonian ideals, even took a class on them, so Kara knew that she was dead serious in her disapproval.

Kara winced mentally. Illogical was one of the worst adjectives in the Kryptonese language and She was ashamed that someone had noticed her inadequacy in terms of self control.

"Sorry," she said, "I simply strive for perfection. Don't worry, I know it's unattainable, but I believe that striving for the impossible leads to me reaching the highest obtainable standard. In this case at least."

"Oh, that makes sense. I admire you for your dedication, by the way." And with that the topic was over for Tala. She spent the last half minute talking about a new book her theology teacher had recommended to her.

Lena was perplexed by Kara's behavior. More accurately, she was impressed at her personal discipline. She would have had to be physically pulled away from her project. She also started wondering why Alex was the Danvers sister with a PhD in bio-engineering. By the look of things Kara could have passed those exams as soon as she landed on earth. 

Kara jumped out of the shuttle and quickly said goodbye to the others. She took off at the fastest socially acceptable pace towards her home.

She greeted her parents as she walked in the door. They had just arrived from work. They all dropped their things in their designated places and started preparing lunch. They were making Quanata today. The paldorian greens had been soaking in spices since morning and Kara made quick work of the Freej filet. It took about 15 minutes for them all to be able to sit down with their steaming bowl of stew.

Kara cherished midday meals. Like all Kryptonian families she and her parents shared the hour together each day. It happened often that one of her parents wouldn't make it home for dinner and even if they did both they and Kara were tired and quite unsocial in the evenings. So she loved being able to spend lunch together as it was a constant that would never change as she grew up. They would share this until she moved out when she got married.

She enjoyed hearing about her parents jobs. She loved science with a passion and she loved the intricacies of the law and how it interacted with the morals of so many species. She had always tended towards her father's profession, but she had been truly glad when she discovered her interest in law. She wanted to share in her mother's passion to.

Lena now understood why Kara was always willing to meet over a meal. At the Luthor's family dinners had always been stiff, animosity filled occasions that she had gladly avoided at every opportunity. The thought that one could enjoy a family meal had never even occurred to her. She was glad that her friend had so many happy memories to look back on, but was getting slightly worried. She doubted that the walking ray of sunshine had any fears or worries that her mother could use against her, but seeing the amount of people she cared about made it clear that Kara was in fact very vulnerable.

"How was your exam, Kara?" Her father asked. Kara swallowed her most recent spoon of Quanata to answer.

"It was decent. I'm uncertain about my classification of the triklogen trinoxide molecule and I may have used the wrong carbon string on a carbohydrate."

"I know you did the best you could at the time, just ensure that you keep up all your knowledge in every subject and that you don't get side-tracked by your current robotics fascination."

"I will, Father. So what did you do today, Mother?" Kara turns towards Aura.

"Well today was not much different from yesterday, but I was confronted by a rather intriguing case of thievery. It is a rather complicated situation with about eight involved parties. It actually required several hours for me to be able to identify who the law applied to.”

This intrigued Kara, but she knew that her mother was banned from divulging any more information, so she didn't ask. Zor commended his wife on her dedication.

“How was your day Zor?” Alura completed the circle of pleasantries, though this family was actually interested in what the others had to say.

“It went quite well. We made some progress on our current project. Sadly it's classified so we can't outsource brain power to speed it up.” Kara and Alura nodded in understanding. They contnued their meal while chatting about science, their upcoming trip to Sedenach for the solstice.

A buzzing filled the room. They quickly placed the dishes in the cleaning machine and ensured that all the ingredients had been put away. Then they said their goodbyes and left the home to go back to their occupations.

She chatted with Tala again as the shuttle took them to their exam. For Kara at least the next two hours promised to be almost boring. This how ever did not deter her from making her way to the lab as quickly as was logical.

Lena was curious about Kara's focus on logic. Personally she was a great fan of it, but for Kara everything seemed to be dictated by some forms of logic.

She was still incredibly uncomfortable with this whole situation. She hated prying into Kara's life like this, but Kryptonian culture fascinated her, providing a temporary distraction from this terrible turn of events. She felt like an invader in Kara's mind, even though it wasn't her choice. She should not be seeing any of this.

The memory redoubled it's presence in her mind as Kara's exam started. It turned that the subject, who's title she yet again hadn't understood, was basically bio-engineering. 

She was again perplexed by the fact that Kara hadn't gotten a degree in that subject, even though she was clearly able. She stared in awe at the eleven year old who was breezing through complex DNA processing algorithms, brain chemistry, genetic evolution and intra cell reactions. By the end of the exam she felt as if she would need about five more college degrees to fully understand what was going o She was again perplexed by the factrl that Kara hadn't gotten a degree in that subject, even though she was clearly able. She stared in awe at the eleven year old who was breezing through complex DNA processing algorithms, brain chemistry, genetic evolution and intra cell reactions. By the end of the exam she felt as if she would need about five more college degrees to fully understand what was going on.

Kara sighed. She was truly bored. She loved Organic Engineering, but she was also taking advanced molecular physics which made this class slightly repetitive. She just wished that the Tas would communicate with each other more. If they did that they could prevent their classes from repeating each other and ensure that it just added on to the previous one.

She headed off to her last class of the day: History of Krypton.

She loved this class just as much as the others. It was intriguing to see what problems her people had had to face and how past generations had dealt with them. She was incredibly proud of the logical way that her people lived their lives. Those Daxamites should take a leaf out of their book!

Ta-Dan-Kel's lecture spanned the whole two hour period. Students were expected to take their own notes and have studied all the information from the previous class.

They were currently covering the Great Braal Crisis from the last millennium. After the Daxamites had intervened in the Dominators experiments they had simply divided up the Braalians and put them on planets without a thought to the already present population. Conflicts broke out over an entire set! Of quadrants. The Kryptoninan Government had intervened on behalf of the Inter-Galactical Alliance Council and over the course of a decade had solved the crisis and found a planet that was able and willing to house all the Braalians. Kara marveled at the master work of diplomacy that had definedd the fate of entire species.

When class finished she packed away her things and headed back to the lab in which she was working on Rao III and Cyntho II.

She set up her work space and started fiddling with the controls while she was working on their program. She was working with an incredibly large and complex set of matrix code, because she wanted to hold off on refining it until she had solved the last problems. Unrefined code actually allowed for a better overview of the commands, but it slowed down the processing of the program. She worked until the sound almost 2 hours later. 

Then she quickly put her project away and nearly raced to the shuttle. She was alone this time as no one else from her home block had stayed after school.

Once she got home she went straight to her room to put away her things and study for tomorrows exams as well assimilate the day's new information into her brain.

After an hour she went into the kitchen and got dinner started. Then she returned to her room to study for another hour, before she heard her father come home. She came out of her room to greet him and then they started to prepare dinner though Zor was mostly on chopping duty as he was a terrible cook. 

Not long after, Alura joined them as well, having gotten held up by a new case. They sat around the dinning table and ate their Kynok salad in an amicable silence, as they were all tired out from their day. When they had finished, they cleaned up the kitchen. They all hugged and went to Kara's room where both her parents kissed her good night.

Kara quickly changed into her sleep clothes and went to bed in the protecting glow of Rao's light.

Lena knew that if she would have been awake she would have had tears in her eyes. The unconditional love and acceptance this family ha towards each other touched her deeply. It had been missing in her own childhood, so she felt the difference greatly. She realized for the first time just what Kara had lost when Krypton blew up.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys here is chapter 5. It's back to a somewhat normal chapter length, but just a forewarning at some point theses chapters may get shorter. (I have trouble writing fluff with plot). Hope you guys like it!
> 
>  
> 
> BTW remember that Lex's serum was purple?

After entire weeks played out before her eyes Lena decided that Kara must have a photographic memory. According to Lillian theses were Kara's happiest memories, so this is what she remembered 13 years after the fact. The memories were so vivid that they took Lena’s breath away. 

She was amazed when she witnessed Kara's travels to foreign planets. She got see the crystal staircases of the Bismuth Mountains, smell the cinnamon air on Starhaven and even saw Kara a company her father on a business trip to Trombus.

Lena lost track of the concept times as she was absorbed by Kara's past.

Kara laughed in happiness. Everyone from her entire family was here to celebrate the birth of her baby cousin. Her uncle Non-Omr, her aunt Astra, her aunt Lara as well as her aunt Sari-In-Ze and Tala. 

There were holographic decorations projected around the room and Kelex was circulating with food. She was discussing the current situation with Valeron with Astra when the music started. Everyone got up for Kara's favourite part of family celebrations. The whole family started dancing the dance as tradition dictated. 

She loved dancing and most people in her family did to. Celebrations like this made being goofy socially acceptable. 

She spun around her own axis and shared a grin with her aunt as they clapped their hands together. She jumped up and everyone turned to face Rao in unison. She let herself fall into rhythm with the music. 

Lena was again perplexed by the El’s actions. At the Luthor's any format of dancing other than the type required at galas was considered childish and therefore inappropriate. She ended up finding herself amused by the fact she was still surprised by this alien culture. 

The feelings she was experiencing through Kara's memories were as foreign to her as Krypton itself. For the first time in her life she felt the emotions of someone who was loved unconditionally and was willing to give the same love back. 

The memory changed again. 

Kara was stuck. She had no idea how to get out of this situation. It looked like Aunt Astra had beat her again. It made sense as she was one of the best tacticians on the planet, but she refused to give up.

She continued to stare at the playing board in front of her. Her aunt had positioned her pieces in a way that blocked Kara's from forming up for the attack she had been obviously planning. Of course Astra knew all the normal playing gambits. Kara felt stupid for thinking that she would be able to beat her aunt this way. Then a thought occurred to her. 

Astra had recognised which gambit she was using and moved to block that. Only that she had left her flank open to block Kara. She smiled. 

Kara knew that it was unlikely that she would defeat her aunt, but least this time she would be able to come a lot closer than she ever had before. She moved her Cavalry as if to shield the Diplomat to its right. This left the diplomat it had been guarding open for capture, but Kara saw it as a worthy sacrifice. Astra captured her diplomat during her next turn, but did not see Kara's coming attack. This made sense as Kara often made mistakes that left her pieces open. She grinned as she manipulated the pieces allowing her to capture a tower from Astra as well as three of her pieces. 

A familiar euphoria filled Lena(Kara?), she had felt the same way on the few occasions that she had been able to beat Lex at chess.Apparently this small achievement Kara seemed to cherish this small victory as an actual win. This again was different from the Luthor’s home. There better wasn’t good enough anything under a full on win was irrelevant. She had found so many differences between the Luthor’s and Kara’s families, that it had surprised even her. Lena had known that the Luthor’s weren’t a normal family, but as she had never seen anything else so she had no idea what a “normal” family was. Even so she thought that the Danvers were special and obviously the Zor-Els weren’t normal at all. 

The other emotion that she felt from this memory was peace. Kara’s mind seemed as peace calculating strategies for the came she was playing with her aunt and this made Lena happy. Then another memory came into focus in front of her.

“...and that's Klarnto the Valeron.” Astra said, showing Kara where the constellation resided in the night sky. Kara loved these quiet peaceful moments when her aunt taught her the stars. Unlike most she found the unending abyss of space comforting. To her it was the only thing that was permanent. People, animals, planets and even stars would someday disappear, but the universe would go on existing no matter what. 

When she had started sun school she had learned that some people found this frightening and it had taken her awhile to understand why. It turned out that they felt that their impermanence made them irrelevant, but Kara didn't feel that way. She thought that a life should be judged not on how long it lasts or who lives it but what it is used for. She felt that doing something meaningful would affect future generations and so permanently better their lives. This way even if one wasn't remembered one would never leave this earth. Persons legacy was their permanence in the universe. 

“What are you contemplating, little one?” her aunt’s question pulled Kara out of her thoughts. 

“Nothing to important. I was just thinking about how some people find space threatening. I remember that I found it absurd when I first heard about it.” Astra chuckled.

“And why is that little one?”

“Well because I wasn't afraid of it. I just see it as a representation of life's potential. Since space is endless that means that there is no limit to how far a person or a people can go.”

“Are you sure you don't want to join the philosopher’s guild when you grow up?” Her aunt teased.

“What?! No way! There is no way I would want to spend my life with those bores thinking about my death! Though if I had to it would probably be voluntary.” She laughed to herself, Astra was the only person she could make those kinds of jokes with.

Lena was once again impressed by her friend’s younger self. She had never seen this philosophical side of Kara, but to be fair she hadn’t seen most of the sides of Kara she had been forced to see today. Was it even still today? How could it be if she had lived through weeks in Kara's memory? She hoped that Alex Danvers would find them soon. If the situation hadn’t been so dire she would have laughed at the fact that her life had been regularly saved by both Danvers sisters. 

She started to realize just how much Kara had lost. She had never given much thought to Supergirl’s past, but she knew that Kara’s parents had perished in a fire. Kara had neglected to mention that said fire was the explosion of an entire planet. She was surprised to find that she wasn’t angry with Kara for keeping her heroic status a secret from her. She didn’t feel betrayed and strangely she didn’t feel less loved. It actually made Kara’s actions mean more to her. Not only had she searched and cared for her all those times, but she had actually put her own life in danger to save Lena. It was an elating feeling to know that someone had cared so much for, but she worried that ,if they made it out of this dilemma alive, Kara wouldn’t want anything more to do with her. She was watching all of the woman’s most private memories played out in front of her and no matter how little choice she had in the matter she was violating Kara in a way she hadn’t even thought possible.

“What would you do if the matrix decided to place you with them?”

Kara suddenly became quiter serious. “I would carry out my duties to the best of my abilities, but I highly doubt that this will ever come to pass.” She was happy again as she added the last part.

“Oh? And why is that?” Her aunt laughed at their banter.

“Because I’m already helping father with some of his projects and my aptitude is clearly one of science. The matrix knows everyone and it will make the best decision for me.” She wholeheartedly believed in the ways of her people and it what her future held.

“Well I’m glad to know that you aren't nervous. It doesn’t suit you.” Astra put an arm around her nice and Kara leaned into her. They quietly stared at the stars until Kara had to go to bed.

Lena smiled at Kara’s happiness. She was high on Kara’s happy and peaceful emotions, but the everything changed. The memories disappeared and the blackness turned purple.

Lena was punched in the face by a wave of fear, hate and despair.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so here we go, but first:
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING!!!: Verbal Abuse,Separation Anxiety. IDK, but it's bad.
> 
> So this chapter was incredibly emotionally draining to write. I tried my best, but I'm still not happy with it. I might edit it sometime, but I doubt it because I probably won't want to do that to myself. Enjoy or cry. 
> 
> -LadyGravdian

Chapter 6:

Lena was punched in the face by a wave of fear, hate and despair. 

The force of the emotions felt strong enough to have knocked Lena to the ground in the physical (world?). She had gone through her fair share of negative emotions during her life under the Luthor’s name, but this unbelievable amount of loss and this sense of being utterly and completely alone made her own feelings seem like child’s play. Lena convulsed and instinctively shut her eyes. Then the images forced themselves into her mind.

Kara woke up to the red light of Rao. She smiled when she noticed that she was in her bed on Krypton. She had been dreaming about her adult life on Krypton for years and these rare dreams were her favourite. They filled her with so much love and happiness and made her feel less alone on earth. She skipped out of bed and pulled on a white and blue tunic appropriate for her 26 years. 

A purple tint tainted every part of her vision, but that was not what had Lena confused. This was supposed to be Kara’s worst nightmare, but she seemed incredibly happy. She had figured that the serum wouldn't find much to work with in mind of the human personification of sunshine but, after having seen how much loss her friend had experienced, she had thought that there would have been at least something. Not that she was unhappy about it, in fact she was desperately hoping that her friends metabolism had rejected the drug and it had not been able to do any damage. Perhaps Lex had, just this once, made a mistake? Maybe he hadn’t accounted for every part of the Kryptonian genome. Or maybe he hadn’t respected the fact that the Kryptonian’s brain was configured differently than that of a human. Lena was usually a realist (some would argue; a pessimist), but this time she allowed herself to hope.

Kara ran over to her matrix and placed her hand on the reader. It didn’t unlock. Instead “Unauthorised Access Attempted” flashed in front of her face. Kara tried again, but nothing changed. The rejection affected her more than it should. It felt as if the rejection came not only from the machine that she herself had configured when she was 13, but from her entire people. 

Dread flooded into Lena. Lex hadn’t made a mistake. His serum seemed to be working and it was destroying theses happy memories for Kara by invading them with these horrible emotions. God how she hated her brother right now. Fearing for her friend, she focused back on Kara.

The device burned menacingly under her fingers and she retracted her hand, staggering backwards. Suddenly the entire room grew cold and unwelcoming. Frightened and confused Kara stumbled through an empty and eerily unfamiliar kitchen into the hallway outside. She sprinted down the hallway, away from the dock and towards her aunt Sari’s quarters. She kept running, driven by an inexplicable fear. She raced through the twisting passages, but she never got to her aunt’s home. The walls and hallways seemed to move, to reshape themselves into something foreign. For the first time in her life she got lost in the halls of her home and in scared her. It scared her more than Lillian and CADMUS, it scared her more than the phantom zone and more than disappointing the Danvers. It scared Kara more than anything ever had before.

She turned right and a few seconds later the corridor opened out into a cavernous room. It was ice cold and it wasn’t reached by Rao’s Light. Kara felt like the darkness was trying to swallow her up. Breathing heavily, she turned around to leave the room and bumped into someone. She staggered backwards and looked up. Standing in front of her was Alex. 

What was Kara's sister doing here? As far as Lena knew their relationship was perfectly happy so what would she be doing here.

Guilt shot through Kara as she recalled the last time she had seen her sister on her home planet. She had put her through so much pain, back then…

What?

Alex stepped towards her and Kara took a step back.

“What’s wrong Kara?” Alex said as she continued to walk forward. “Why are you walking away from me?”

“I’m scared.”

“Why would you be scared of me?”

“I’m not scared of you. I’m scared of this place.”

“So why are you walking away from me?”

“Because yo..you don’t seem like yourself.”

“What? Am I not good enough for you? Do you not like me any more? Do I no longer comply with your standards? Am I no longer worthy of the great daughter of Krypton? Do you want to go back to your real family, like the last time we were here?” Alex didn’t only sound hurt, but also accusatory. It made Kara feel horrible. She had always worried that what Alex had seen in the Black Mercy Dream had affected her more than she had ever let on.

“What? Alex! No! I love you!” She said, desperate to make her sister understand.

“Oh really? Are you sure? Are you certain that you don’t want to change me? That you don’t want to make me fit into your little, naive version of the world? Are you sure you don’t to take away my happiness so that you can have me all to yourself?” Tears were streaming down Kara’s face.

“No! Alex! I would never do that to you! You are perfect just the way you are!” Alex scoffed.

“No Kara that’s all you have done. Ever since you got to this planet you have been you and I have had to adapt to make room for you. I have had to change myself so that I could take care of you! You have been nothing but a burden on my life and now that I’ve found someone else to share a part of my life with, someone who cares about me, you try to destroy it! You are a horrible sister! I wish you would have stayed in the phantom zone!”

Kara sobbed and turned away from her sister, no longer being able to look at her. She had barely taken two steps when she bumped into another person. Standing right there infront of her, like a pillar of hope, was her mother Alura.

Kara threw herself at her mother. “Oh I’ve missed you so much Mom!” Suddenly she found herself being pushed backwards and this prompted her to look up. Her mother's eyes were cold, her face indifferent. 

“Don’t touch me!” Alura said.

“What?!”

“You are a stranger with no place in this world.”

“But Mom, it’s me, Kara!! I’m your daughter!”

“You are not my daughter. My daughter would never have failed in her mission.”

Alura sounded just like Lillian.

Zor-El walked out of the shadows and joined his wife in front of their daughter. Kara noticed that they were both dressed in full regalia.

“Alura is right you know. Kara-Zor-El was a genius, a girl fit to be the greatest scientist this planet had ever seen, while having a heart so great and strong that she could have easily taken her mother’s place as grand judicator. You have turned your back on all that potential and are dragging the name of the House of El through the mud by working as an assistant.” He spat the word out as if it were a kale smoothie.

Alura continued where her husband left off. “ you are a horrible disappointment. You have failed us and your mission. It was your duty to ensure the legacy of our people, but you have neglected that. Everything you forget is lost forever because you are an utter failure Who are you to decide what is remembered about our people?! Who are you to think that your memories are enough for us to live on?! You are not worthy of the name of El. You are more human than Kryptonian. You are no longer truly one of us and you should stop claiming otherwise!”

“Please! I didn’t have a choice. I was stuck in the Phantom Zone! Please understand!!” Kara sobbed, but her plea landed on deaf ears. Her parents just kept coldly looking at her with a superior stare. Her hands clenched as she tried to hold back her emotions. Kryptonians were passionate creatures, but one of their core values had been restraint. She might be a failure, but she would not betray the Girod. Those were the founding principles of her world and she would not abandon them.

She couldn’t handle the hate and rejection that was rolling of her parents in waves and turned away from them. Again she had no luck in escaping this terrible place. When she turned she came face to face with her Aunt Lara.

Her eyes were rimmed red. “Why?!”, she screamed at Kara, “Why did you let this happen to my son?! You were supposed to protect him, but instead you let him grow up alone! You promised me, Kara! You promised me nothing would happen to him yet he has gotten hurt countless of times!” Lara collapsed to the floor, sobbing.

Jor-El came to her side, holding his wife’s shoulders while glaring at Kara. “It was your mission to make sure that he grew up to be a proud member of the House of El. Instead he wants nothing to do with our world! We put our hopes in you Kara and you let us down!! You failed us and you failed Kal-El! We entrusted you with our legacy and you neglected your duties without a care in the world!!!”

“Uncle Jor. I DO care. I was willing to give up everything for Kal and when I finally got to earth, I wanted nothing more than to teach him about our world. He refused Uncle. I tried to get through to him, but he doesn’t want anything to do with Krypton. You have to understand that I did my best!” She was desperate to be heard. She needed to be understood by someone, anyone.

“That doesn’t matter Kara. You should have tried harder and we all know you could have, so stop lying to us! You had one job Kara and you failed. You destroyed our hopes and dreams for our son and are ensuring that our culture will die with you! I am ashamed to be related to you!”

Kara’s heart clenched and she tried to run away from her family only to be stopped by a new set of people. Her cousins Tala and Ter were standing right in front of her. They to asked her why, but for a different reason.

“Why didn’t you warn us Kara? Why did you let us die?” The shadows receded slightly to reveal her friends Cor, Gari and Sel. They joined the chorus of questions and blame.

“Why did you leave without saying goodbye? Why did you turn your back on us? Were we not important enough to save? Did we not matter to you?”

“You do matter to me! I wish I could have saved you all!”

“Wishing is illogical, Kara” Tala cut in. “But then again, you always were a little bit odd. Your illogical tendencies seem to have impaired your mind.”

“I was not given the opportunity to save any of you. My parents woke me up at an unscheduled time and brought me to the launch bay. There they told me I was going to earth to protect Kal-El. There was no time to speak with any of you!”

“And you didn’t even manage that!” Ter-Ze jeered.

“Stop blaming your parents for things that were out of their control. You should be ashamed of yourself. This is your fault. The least you could do is own up to it.” Cor and Gari said together. Sel just nodded in agreement and gave Kara a disappointed look. Arguing with Cor had always been useless, but Kara didn’t know what to say anyway. They were right. She had left them to die and she hadn’t thought of them until her pod was speeding along the launch rail. 

She had abandoned them. She had abandoned them to a certain death and then she had moved on with her life. She had let everyone on this planet die. Kara felt like she was about to collapse, the weight of her shortcomings pressing in on her.

This time she was pulled to side to face the next person here to enlighten her. She gasped when she came to gaze onto the face Kora-Ger-Ko.

Butterflies hummed in her stomach at the sight of the beautiful girl. Then they died agonisingly at the thought of her death. She remembered the countless times she had lost herself in those stormy orange eyes. She remembered the sweet and innocent kisses they had peppered across each other's faces. And the ones that had lacked any trace of innocence. 

How old was Kara when she got here?

When she stared into those eyes now she saw disgust, their usual twinkle gone. Her sobbed resumed as she continued to look at her old love. She had never expected to find these emotions in the brunette’s eyes. They had always been alight with humor. The cold, dark orbs bored into Kara’s mind, digging through her soul with frozen fingers. Kora’s hate twisted Kara’s stomach inside out. Kora didn’t utter a single word, but she didn’t need to. She conveyed her feelings very clearly.

Kara had never liked running away from her problems, but this time she did.  
Or at least she tried.

She hadn’t gotten far when another person blocked her path.

This time it was it was her Aunt Astra. She looked like she had back when they had all lived here together as a family, but her facial expressions reminded Kara of their time on earth.

“Look! If it isn't the traitor who comforted my killer after they snuffed the life our of my body. Can you believe it Non? Our darling little niece, betraying us for some idiotic human! She still calls that woman family! Even after all the crimes she committed against he House of El! She still calls that murderer her sister, tells her she loves her, blesses her relationships!”

Non-Omr had joined his wife in the blockade against Kara. He had his trademark hidden smirk in place, like always. Kara had never felt secure around him, he had always just seemed to be hiding something. She now watched as he started to blame her for everything that had gone wrong on earth.

“...and you doomed your own Aunt to Fort Razz, you stupid child!! You lured her to your room under false pretenses and then allowed your mother to waltz in and take her!!” Kara thought that Astra’s betrayed expression hurt her more than anything Non could say, but then he turned to Astra. “And did you know, Wife, that your darling niece killed me? She murdered her own uncle in cold blood.”

Now Astra’s burned into Kara’s full of fury. “You did what?! How could you Kara! You shouldn't even be able to meet my right now! You are a horrible person!”

“My sister is right!” Alura chimed back into the conversation, “I can't believe that dared to touch me after what you have done!” A previously sobbing Kara froze at her mother's words. She had always referred to Astra as ‘your Aunt’, never as ‘my sister’. The change in phrasing drove it home to Kara that they no longer considered her a part of their family. The realisation knocked the air out of her lungs.  
Everyone in the room broke their silence at the same time. They started yelling, blaming Kara for all her mistakes. Kara knew they were right, but that didn't make the words hurt any less.

“You ruined my life!”

“I despise you!”

“You couldn't have disappointed me more!”

“You failed us!”

“You failed Kal-El!”

“You put everyone you love in danger!”

“Stop being so selfish and show some restraint!”

The room started spinning, the faces of everyone she had lost flashing before her face.

“You are killing us all over again.”

“You have forsaken our species!”

“It's your fault that Kal doesn’t want anything to do with our people!”

“It's your fault that he puts himself in danger everyday!”

“You should have protected him!”

“You should have stayed out of my life!”

“It's your fault dad died!”

Lena saw herself join the yelling crowd.

“I hate you!”

She wanted to tell Kara that she didn't hate her. She wanted to hug her best friend and tell her that everything would be okay. Instead she had to watch as Kara's demons consumed her. The scene escalated, the figures grew to become giants as Kara seemingly aged backwards to the eleven year old girl Lena had seen in her memories. 

Kara watched as the figures in front of her grew to an imposing height. Their words pressed in on her, suffocating her. She crumbled under the weight of their accusations, collapsing on the floor.

The room spun faster and now the horrible memories of her past were invading her mind, joining in the chorus of fear, hate and agony.

Astra died in her arms.

Lillian told her that Lena would hate her.

She killed Non.

Alex broke her arm after she had saved someone for the first time.

Kal told her his name was Clark.

Lena fell off a balcony.

Jerimiah turned against them.

And Krypton exploded over and over again in front of her eyes.

The sensory overload was too much for Kara. She felt like she was in the clutches of hydraulic press, the weight of their words crushing her. Kara was barely able to form a thought. Her mental capacity was just high enough to scream;

“STOP! PLEASE JUST MAKE IT STOP!!! PLEASE! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!! STOP!!” 

She begged to every god she had ever heard of for it to stop, for her mind to empty…

Lena begged to every god she had ever heard of for it to stop, for Kara to be released from this torture, for her mind to be empty.

And then it was.

And then it was.drove it home to Kara that they no longer considered her part of their family. She was going to be alone like this forever. She was no longer a member of her family and had lost the right to call herself that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To write about a character in a dark place the author has to go to an even darker place.  
>  -S.E.C.
> 
> So how crappy was this writing? Let me know it the comments. I will try to get chapter 7 out soon.
> 
> (How mad at me are you?)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here ya go!!

Chapter 7.1 Lena’s POV  
Lena gasped as the darkness in front of her eyes lifted. The entire room was spinning around her and she felt nauseous. She could barely decipher what was going on a round her, but after a few seconds she was able to make out Kara in her supersuit.

She relieved to see Kara had been disengaged from this wretched machine. The hero gasped and fell to her knees, sobbing. Then she promptly threw up onto the floor. 

Lena knew her best friend wasn’t okay, but she desperately hoped she would be. What she had seen had shown Lena just how much pain her best friend had pushed away at the back of her mind. Even Lena knew that that wasn’t healthy. She hated her mother for putting Kara through this and she hated herself for not realizing what was happening with Kara. She desperately wished for Kara to find a way to deal with this. After all, National City needed it's hero and so did Lena.

Kara was pulling herself up on the machine when an already horrified Alex had to catch her. They both tumbled sideways because Kara’s alien form was way to heavy for Alex’s human one. Kara was barely able to adjust her fall so she wouldn't land on her sister. There was a loud crunching sound when she crashed into the floor.

Someone loosened the straps restricting Lena and she spilled onto the floor. She emptied the contents of her stomach onto the concrete before being roughly pulled upwards by a man in full tactical gear. Two other agents helped Agent Danvers put her sister on the medical gurney that had been rolled into the room.

That was the last this Lena saw before her mind gave out. 

\-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

Lena’s eyes fluttered open. Her head was pounding and the world swam in front of her. Her vision cleared after a few minutes, allowing her to see her surroundings. She was sitting in a large van with tinted windows. There five other people in the back of the van with her. They were all wearing armoured clothes and carrying what looked like AK-47s. They seemed pretty banged up and it looked like two of them were cradling broken limbs.

She groaned which only served to worsen the throbbing in her head. Having been alerted to her conscious state, Agent Danvers turned towards her. She clearly hadn’t been spared by whatever destructive force had gotten a hold of the other agents. Her face was bruised and there were two cuts above her left eyebrow.

“Good you're awake. Now what happened to my sister.”

She sounded angry and said the words in a way that implied that Lena was at fault for what happened to Kara. 

“I..I..I don..don't know how…” her head was all muddled and she had trouble finding the the words. Letters swirled around her brain unable to form into words.

“Spit it out Luthor!” Kara’s sister said impatiently. 

It took her almost a full minute to find her next words. “Some kind of serum. Mix of Kryptonite. Purple…” They hit a pothole and Lena passed out again.

\-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

Lena had a brief spout of consciousness when they transferred her to a gurney. Lights flashed by above her as she was rolled along a grey concrete corridor. She couldn’t process what was happening. 

\-- -- -- -- -- --

Next she noticed being transferred to some sort of bed. People in white coats swarmed around her. They jabbed words and tools at her and shined a light in her eyes. She would never be able to tell anyone how she reacted to that. They pushed her back and messed with something near her head. Then a white tunnel approached her and she closed her eyes.

\-- -- -- -- -- --

Chapter 7.2 Kara's POV  
Kara gasped as the darkness in front of her eyes lifted. She thanked Rao and Cyntho that she had been released from this torture. She couldn’t see what was going on around her and the spinning walls left her incredibly dizzy.

The metal cuffs around her joints opened mercifully. She had no control over her limbs as she fell onto her knees. She started sobbing uncontrollably as all the emotions from before came back, rolling over her, crushing her. She felt nauseous and bent over, throwing up. She didn’t know what had happened nor who had saved her, but what she did know was that she had to get out of here.

She clawed herself up on the machine that had almost killed her. Yet she couldn’t hold her own weight. She lost her balance, but someone caught her. She looked up and saw a female figure with short hair. They both fell and Kara frantically tried to shift her body away from the woman to stop from crushing her.

She couldn’t get the images of what had just happened out of her head. She was shaking her head to try and force them to leave her alone. She couldn’t. 

Someone, or a few someones, grabbed her limbs and picked her up. They heaved her onto a soft surface, but the fact that they didn't leave brought all of Kara's residual fear back to the surface. Kara suddenly saw Alex’s face and was called back into her hell, everyone crowding around her, trying to get at her. 

She felt all encompassing terror and she pushed herself away from them. Whatever she had been laying on wasn’t stable and slid away from under her hands, crashing into the dark figures she was so desperately trying to escape. 

She tried to run, but her barely controllable legs betrayed her. She crumbled to the ground, hearing the crunch of concrete underneath her. A new wave of panic shot through Kara, sending Adrenalin coursing through her veins and enabling her to stumble forward another few steps.

As she was about to fall down again a sting near her shoulder blade propelled her further. She couldn’t tell where she was going, her vision an indiscernible haze. Kara crashed through a cement column as four more stinger penetrated her back. She fell on top of the nearly pulverized concrete, a fearful scream erupting from her throat before she was forced into unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think of this format. I think I will have to use it for chapter 8 as well. I hope you enjoyed reading. Thank you all soooooo much for your support <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3:):):):):)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! Here you go and thank you so much for sticKing with me!

Lena woke up in an unfamiliar room with grey walls and an assortment of medical equipment. It was plain and undecorated and in one corner there was a camera mounted on the ceiling. A rhythmic beeping filled her ears that made it hard for her to concentrate. She moves to sit up, but her vision immediately started to haze up so she abandoned the idea for the time being. 

Lena tried to get her bearings, to figure out where she was and, perhaps more importantly, how she had gotten here. From what she could tell, she was wearing a hospital gown and if that that was correct then it seemed safe to assume that she was resting on a medical gurney. She was in some sort of makeshift hospital, how wonderful.

This new discovery had her contemplating what the reason for her admittance could possibly be, as she was unaware of any injuries. Though, if one was honest, she was probably pumped full of so many chemicals right now that she wouldn't have known if someone cut her open and removed her spleen. At least that's what they had done in every other hospital she had been to, which was far too many for her taste.

She anxiously anticipated the arrival of whatever doctor was responsible for her. She had way too much practice getting information from medical professionals, but she would not shy away from using it if whomever walked through that door started giving her anything short of the whole truth.

While waiting for the elusive doctor to make their entrance, she redirected her attention to the reason for her being here as she could still not remember it. She focused on retracing her steps. The last thing she remembered was sitting in her office craving Chinese for the oddest of reasons. Then…

Then… Supergirl had come! Yes, that was it. They had been talking and then… a vision of strange men in tactical gear barging into her office and the blurr of Supergirl’s super speed flashed before her eyes and suddenly everything came back to her. The kryptonite smoak, Supergirl falling to the ground, waking up in the warehouse, her mother’s insanity, the serum and Supergirl being Kara. Oh God, Kara! She started sobbing as all she had witnessed came flooding back into her mind.

How was it possible for Kara to still smile everyday after all she had been through? How did she hide all that pain in eyes that seemed like open books? How did nobody see it? How did Kara survive without an outlet? Who's shoulder did she cry on? Was there even someone she felt that comfortable with? Was there anybody on this planet that truly knew the extent of the inner strength their hero exerted everyday?

Exactly how much of herself did Kara have to hide from the world? Questions were tumbling through her mind, crashing together and multiplying themselves, merging with incoherent thought splinters and pounding against the walls of her skill. Tears of pain joined the others as her thudding thoughts translated into a very corporeal headache that left her scalp searing. She clenched her teeth together to prevent herself from screaming, she still didn't know where she was after all which meant that she could not show weakness.

There was so much going on in her head that she didn't register the entrance of Agent Danvers. The beeping subsided and the sudden lack of noise pulled her out of her own head and back into the grey walls enclosing her bed.

Agent Danvers was wearing a lab coat and had gotten busy with the machines attached to the, as of yet, countless wires stuck to Lena’s skin. Fear shot through her at the thought of having a woman who leary didn’t like her in charge of her life, but she quickly pushed it aside. She had to figure out what had happened to her and, more importantly, Kara.

“Why…

am…

I…

here?”

For some reason she had trouble making her mouth form the words that she wanted to. It irritated her greatly, but now she concentrated on Agent Danvers who had finally ordained to pay attention to her now conscious state.

“Oh, you're awake. Finally! There are people upstairs betting on whether or not you’d make it. I bid for you out of obligation to my sister.”

Great, a betting pool about where or not she’d die and the woman making the decision had only bet in her favorite because she had someone breathing down her neck. Her mind briefly distracted itself with the fact that Kara was defending her against her own family members. While she was selfishly happy about it, she felt bad for creating a rift in Kara's wonderful family. Then it got back down to business. 

“Why…

is…

my…

head…

spin…

ing?”

The other woman looked down at her with pity. Lena despises that look because it all too often mirrored Lillian’s face when she was making Lena do something like clean up her own vomit with a pounding skull and a 105° fever. She decided not to waste her currently limited words on the issue and settled for a glare (or at least what she hoped passed for one.) Seeing her expression, the doctor's face became serious and devoid of all emotion.

“Whatever that bitch you call a mother did to Supergirl messed up both your brains pretty bad. That's why you could barely talk in the van. All of your synapses had been interrupted and overloaded. The only reason we were able to get anything out of you was because of the adrenaline shot we gave you. Kara couldn't talk for an hour after we got her conscious, she's currently sleeping off the rest of the meds.”

Kara was okay! Lena let out a breath that she hadn't known she’d been holding. At least neither of them had died in that warehouse. A flicker of shadows drew her attention. Dr. Danvers was waving her hand in front of her face.

“...yone home? Ah, finally. I almost thought that I owed Garrings 50$. Now I am required to let you know that you will have another three hours to sleep of the medications we had to pump into you to unscramble your brain. Then you will be debriefed, where you will be required to give us any and all information that could aid our investigation. Afterwards we will keep you under medical observation, but if you didn't commit any crimes then you should be home at the end of the week. I would however recommend another week before you even try to go near your work. Kara was kind enough to provide your assistant’s phone number and she said that she will handle everything until you are cleared. Good night Miss Luthor.”

The last sentiment troubled her greatly, but before she had the chance to properly panic she drifted off back to sleep. She dreamed of unfamiliar people and foreign in skies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way my laptop broke and I'm writing this on my phone. It will probably decrease themail time in between chapters, buthe amount of mistakes may go up because editing on such a small screen is a pain. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	9. Chapter 9

An Unforeseen Bond   
Chapter 9  
Kara restlessly paced up and down the sun room. She hated being in the dark about what had happened to her. She didn’t get why no one would tell her anything, after all it was her mind that had been violated. She couldn’t fathom how these agents had the right to tell her that what had happened to her body was classified. She had a right to know!

Hopefully they would at least tell her when Lena woke up. She felt guilty for not being able to protect her friend even though she had been in the room with her. She should have been faster. She should have been able to defeat the men before they launched the kryptonite. 

She grew dizzy again and lay back down onto the table under the sun lamp. When would she be able to walk around without the room starting to spin after a few minutes? She was anxious for Alex to come back and tell her what had happened. Her sister never lied to her if she could help it so her arrival would mean that Kara could finally get answers. 

Her thoughts turned to what had happened in the warehouse. She had lost control of herself for the first time in over a decade. She had filled up her left hand with the amount of times she had dishonored the kryptonian value of Restraint. Five times that's how often it had happened. The first four were almost excusable considering they had been when she first landed on this planet and was still getting used to her powers and under the influence of red kryptonite, but this time…

This time she had been unable to separate dream from reality, she had been unable to control and restrain her own mind. She had put other people in danger. She had put Alex in danger. She had lost her carefully crafted, controlled manner and her powers had caused a lot of damage. All because what she had seen had terrified her. Her worst fears had been thrown in her face and then they had come true.

The bang of a door hitting the wall alerted her to Alex’s entrance. She sat up, shooting a worried look towards her sister.

“Hey.” Alex said, giving her a hug. “Are you alright?”

“I should be asking you that. After all I did break your arm.” Kara replied with a nod towards the sling around the other woman's shoulder.

“Oh, it's fine. I know you didn't mean to hurt me. You were just a little scared. Your fine now.” 

“I hurt you and that's not okay, but if you don’t want to talk about it then we don't have to. Can you tell me what happened? And is Lena okay?”

“Luthor is fine. She's dealing with the same repercussions you are, but is healing a little slower because she is a human. Now onto more important things. How are you feeling?”

“I'm fine. I was just a little scared.”

“Well, it looks like your brain has recovered from the damage the kryptonite did. Your body is just exhausted from everything it has had to do and your brain will probably work overdrive for a bit. Considering your readings I'll give you the same recommendation as the Luthor. Take a week off and then slowly get back into your normal routine.”

“Okay. So no flying?” She asked, scared that she didn't feel angry at the prospect. She should be eager to get back to work, right? She shouldn't feel like she needed a break, she was better than that, wasn't she?

“Yes. That means no flying for the near future. J’onn has said that he will cover for you until I give you the go ahead. Until that time I'll come over to your place everyday to do check ups on you. You can go to the debrief now. Agent Douglas!”

A man who was a little taller than Alex with brown hair styled in a military buzz entered the room.

“Yes, Agent Danvers?”

“You will accompany Supergirl to the debriefing room. Go with him Kara.”

“Thanks Sis.” She pecked Alex on the cheek and left.

They walked through the DEO for a few minutes in an uncomfortable silence. Kara had the feeling that Agent Douglas was treating her more like an alien prisoner that he had picked up than a friendly consultant. Her suspicions were confirmed when he tried to grab her arms as they entered the more highly restricted area. She shook him off, but was reminded of the fact that she didn't have clearance to enter this floor on her own.

They made it to the debriefing room and Kara heard the telltale clicks of a lock when the door closed. She sat down and noticed the, as usual, lead lined walls. She really couldn't be be annoyed at them, she told herself. She was dangerous and could pose a threat to them should she lose control. 

J’onn walked in a few minutes later. He stood on the opposite side of the table and turned towards her.

“Supergirl. You were kidnapped, injected with a kryptonite based drug and hooked up to a king of mashine. Is this statement correct?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Who do believe was responsible for this incident?”

“Lillian Luthor and Project CADMUS, Sir.”

“Why do you believe this to be so?”

“I believe this to be so because I was conscious while I was in the machine and was privy to a conversation in between Lena and Lillian Luthor. Sir.”

“What was the contents of this conversation?”

“Lena Luthor requested that her mother release me. When that was refused, she inquired about her mother’s plans. During this exchange she referred to Lillian Luthor as Mother. This deduction is also supported by the fact that I recognised the voices of the parties involved.”

“Alright. Where were you at the time of the kidnapping?”

“In Miss Luthor’s office, Sir.”

“I understand. Why were you there?”

“I was having lunch with my friend, Sir.”

“That friend would be Miss Luthor?”

“Yes, Sir.” She was getting tired of these questions. The exhaustion that Alex had predicted was setting in and she disliked being questioned like this.

“What happened when you were injected with the drug?”

“I was immersed in memories from my past. Then I had a nightmare or at least that's what it seemed like.”

“What memories came to your mind?”

“Happy ones, Sir.”

J’onn seemed to get the hint and didn't press further. Thank Rao! He had been pacing in front of her during the interview, but now he faced her again.

“You should refamiliarize yourself with the protocols for such a situation and have Agent Danvers sign you up for another disarming course, you need to improve your speed. Dismissed.” She held back a sigh when she heard the conduct assessment. She knew what she had done wrong and she was glad gave her the advice on how to improve, but it still stung.

She carefully extracted herself from the rather fragile table and chair. Then she turned on her heel and walked off, letting herself be driven home by an agent whom Alex had given her key.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Readers be like: IT'S ALIVE!!! IT'S ALIVE! !!!!

Lena’s head was still pounding. The doctors had refused to give her any aspirin, but she knew that was probably a good thing. She was barely able to think straight as it was and she would need all her wits about her for this interrogation. They had moved her from the nondescript hospital room to this nondescript interview room a while ago with barely enough time to change out of the hospital gown and into a set of nondescript grey sweats. She couldn’t say how long ago because this hellish debacle had thrown her time perception off entirely.

She had originally thought that Agent Danvers had been gruff during their brief interaction, but compared to the Agents that had escorted her here she had been almost Kara level friendly.

Thinking of Kara set her off on a spiral of concern for her friend. Yes, she still considered Kara a friend even though she had lied to her. She knew that Kara truly cared about her, she had felt it herself. She still didn't understand how Kara could, but she knew that she did. In some way she thought that it would have been easier for her to accept if Kara was simply keeping an eye on her. No one had ever cared about her for her, instead they had always cared about how she could help them.

What she also couldn’t understand was how Kara could care so easily. She had walled herself off at age four after losing her mother. Kara had lost her entire world, yet she welcomed everyone with an open mind and an open heart. Lena had no idea how that was possible, but she hoped that she would be able to find out.

Would Kara even be willing to talk about this? She didn't think she would be able to ignore this and just go back to how things had been. She was pretty sure that she would have to talk about this, but she didn't want to push Kara into talking about something if she didn't want to. 

Will Kara even want to see me after this? What Lillian had done was an incredibly intimate violation and while Lena had not consented to any of it, she had been the one to see inside Kara's head. Maybe Kara would blame her for it in some way. No, Kara is to kind for that, but perhaps she hadn't wanted anybody to know about some of the things that Lena had seen.

The clicking of the lock pulled her out of her reverie and interrupted the images of Kara's past that were flashing through her mind on an endless loop. In walked a man with dark skin and black hair, followed by Agent Danvers.

While there was a chair on the opposite side of the table both presumed operatives chose to remain standing. From their stances Lena could already tell that they did not share Kara's unexplainable affection for and trust in her. This “interview” would be cordial at most. If she was lucky. 

The barrage of questions started almost immediately. To Lena it was clear that they were meant to unsettle and trap her so she thanked Rao that her brain l was working again because she would need all of her wits to keep up with this strenuous pace.

“Where were you at the time that Supergirl was kidnapped?”

“We were sitting in my office.” She tried her hardest to sound neutral and unfazed by the speed and venom of Agent Danvers’ words.

“Why were you there?”

“We were eating dinner.” replaced the intended answer of it's MY office.

“How did you first come in contact with the abductors?”

“When they barged into my office at L-Corp.”

“Did you speak to the abductors?”

“Not until I recovers from the sedative they injected me with.”

“What did you speak about.”

“I inquired what was going on.”

“Who did you speak to?”

“My mother”

“Please state the name of the individual in question.”

“Lillian Luthor.”

“Have you had any previous contact with Lillian Luthor?”

“Not since she last abducted me.”

“Don’t you have any way of contacting Lillian Luthor?”

“No.”

“Have you ever had a way of contacting Lillian Luthor?”

“Not since the Medu…”

“Have you ever had any way of contacting Lillian Luthor?”

“Yes.” aaand cue the smirk. Lena thought. 

“Do you support CADMUS in any way?”

“No.”

“Do you have any idea as to how CADMUS is funded?”

“Probably through one of Lex’s old hidden accounts.”

“Have you done anything to try and hinder these funds being used?”

“Yes.”

“Have you had any previous contact with CADMUS that the DEO is unaware of?”

“No.” DEO???

“What happened in the warehouse?”

“Lillian Luthor linked my mind to Supergirl’s and injected her with a kryptonite based drug…”

“How do you know it was a kryptonite based drug?”

“She told me.”

“She?”

“Lillian Luthor.”

“Then what happened?”

“I relived many of Supergirl’s memories.”

“What happened in these supposed memories?”

“She was happy.” Who did they think they were? They had no right to know what was going on in Kara's mind.

“Specifically.”

“She was back on Krypton.” If they kept on prodding her she would lose it! What Kara went through was solely Kara's business. It was already too much that Lena had seen it, this wasn't an invitation for everyone in the world to start digging around her brain.

“What knowledge did you gain from this experiment?” Agent Danvers had seemingly moved on from her sister's past. Lena had had a feeling that Krypton would shut her up. The next one was going to be a shocker though.

“Supergirl’s civilian identity.”

“What do you intend to do with this information?”

“Nothing.” She could tell that they didn't believe her, but what did they think she was going to do? Leak her identity and risk the life of her only friend?

“Do you have any knowledge of other DEO assets?”

“No.” Lena clenched her teeth. Assets? ASSETS???

“Do you intend to harm any government assets?” and there it is…..

On and in it went, for hours. At some point the dark skinned agent intervened and Lena had a feeling that that was the only reason she was still alive.

Once the FBI (DEO??) finished with her the escorted Lena out of the building and returned her now considerably lighter purse. Then they ushered her into a waiting car.

The incredibly tense car ride that followed allowed Lena time to think. Of course her thoughts turned to Kara. She would have to sit down and process this with some back up when she got to her apartment. Her only two friends in this city were the same person. Stoic, superpowered, self-sacrificing Supergirl and cheerful, meek, optimist, sees the good in everyone Kara were one and the same.

Kara is Supergirl. That thought still sent her for a loop and she decided to focus on it and push her other discoveries to the back of her mind.

The agent riding in the back with her nearly pushed her out of the car before curtly telling her not to leave town. She sighed and made her way onto the building. Lena let herself into her penthouse apartment. She hung up her coat, dropped her keys next to the door and headed straight over to her wine cooler. She bent down to get out a particularly nice red before changing her mind and pouring herself a glass of scotch.

She flopped onto her couch in a most un-Luthorlike manner and tried to focus as the sun went down outside her window, bathing the city in a golden light. Usually she enjoyed the view though her floor to ceiling west window, but today it reminded her that this was the first time she had seen daylight in almost 24 Hours. Lillian had taken another day of her life away from her. L-Corp’s stock would suffer and she would have to invest quite a bit of her own money to get the company back on track.

Perhaps if she published the results for the test of their new CAT scan machine it would generate enough buzz to force the press to put this “unfortunate incident” on the back burner. Her mother really…

CRASH!

Lena cringed and the scotch glass fell to the floor as an image of her mother on Krypton invaded her mind. Her hands shot to her temples as her brain screamed in pain. It passed after a few moments. 

How can Kara deal with all of this? Her friend had clearly learned to push these memories away, but if this relatively short exposure was so close to ripping through Lena’s defenses how who Kara be able to stop the flood gates?

The images surged up again but she resisted. Lena started an old calming technique she hadn't used since high school. 

Hydrogen, Helium, Lithium, Beryllium, Boron, Carbon, Nitrogen, Oxygen, Fluorine, Neon, Sodium…..

She kept going all the way to Ununoctium, then opened her eyes and got up to take care of the broken glass. Just as she was sweeping the shards into the trash can under her kitchen sink, Lena heard a light tapping noise on her window.

Turning around, she almost dropped the glass again. Outside Kara floated without her super suit and looking as if she were about to fall out of the sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LooK if read the author'she not on chapter 14 of my other ficountries you'll know that I'm a bit stressed and short on time. Good news fall vacation starts next week so I will probably be able to write more. I still have to stuse for my exams though. I hope you enjoyed the chapter and I apologise for taking so long to update.
> 
> PS: Thanks Dr.Doctor!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go! I had thought to get the angst over with this chapter, but as it turns out I had trouble with that so you can look forward to more angst, pain and tears, but if you squint really, really hard you might be able to make out the shadows of the light at the end of this tunnel of terror.

Chapter 11  
Kara was lying despondently on her couch as her brain kept playing her memories on a loop. She didn't go to sleep. One, because she knew she wouldn't be able to, Alex had told her as much and , two, because she knew that she would have to process these new events quickly before the world moved on and she had to deal with the rest of the world again.

“You are more human than Kryptonian.”!

“Why did you let this happen to my son?!”

“I hate you!”

“You failed us and you failed Kal-El!”

“Why did you let us die?”

“This is your fault.”

“You are not my daughter.”

Her family's words swirled through her mind and around her weak attempts at thoughts. She rationally knew that they had never uttered a single one of them, yet their voices were so real, clearer than they had been in a long while, and now forever attached to those hurtful sentiments.

What would she think? How was she doing after having all of Kara's baggage dumped onto her? How would she look at her now that she could see through Kara's walls? She knew that there was no way for them to go back to being the people they used to be around each other. Lena would either tiptoe around her with kid gloves or hate her for for deceiving her. 

Because Kara was a liar. She lied everyday. She lied when she put on the costume that made her Supergirl. She wasn't a hero, she was just a broken little girl ignoring her problems through prioritising those of others. She lied when she put on those glasses, because in truth Kara Danvers was a costume just as much as her Supersuit. Kara Danvers was a clumsy, mousy, naive, small town girl who wasn't particularly smart. Kara Danvers was the costume she put on to face this oh so dangerous world. She lied whenever she told someone that she was fine or that she had slept well. She lied every time she didn't greet a fellow alien on the street in Logiplex.

She had to stop thinking about this. She had to distract herself somehow. She tried to turn her mind to other things.

Lena.

She was the only thing that came to her mind. No matter how she tried, it was either Lena or Krypton.

Lena with her beautiful love for science and her amazing dedication to helping improve other people's’ lives. Lena who already had so many of her own burdens to bear. Lena who only ever saw Kara as Kara and not as Supergirl. Lena who had never expected Kara to be okay. Lena who had been through so much. Lena who didn’t believe that Kara cared about her. Lena who had trusted her completely. Lena whom she had never told her secret. Lena who had seen all of Kara’s faults. Lena who had been confronted with all of Kara’s baggage. Lena had been forced to see the worst of her. Lena who had been chucked behind her walls and bear witness to the broken little creature that was left of Kara Zor-El, the last true child of Krypton.

How was she dealing with all of this? How much of those horrors had she been confronted with? How many memories had she seen? How deeply would she hate Kara after this? How had the DEO treated her? How was she doing now? 

She knew that neither Alex nor Jonn nor any other member of the DEO would give any information on the youngest, and only innocent, Luthor. There was no way she would get any answers from in here until the agents outside her door disabled their signal jammer. 

However…

There was one way to figure out what had happened to her best friend.

She turned around to face her apartment door, trying to assess whether there was any commotion going on outside. She refrained from using her X-Ray vision as she would need all her power for what she was about to do.

She got up and moved silently towards her glass door, grabbing her purse and phone, and retrieved her spare key on the way as she had a sneaking suspicion that her window was locked. She was right as she tended to be when it came to Alex’s overprotectiveness. With a sigh she silently unlocked the door, stored the key in her purse, zipped it shut and slung the bag over her head. She decided that getting to Lena was more important than her carpet, so she pushed off into the sky directly from the floor.

She immediately knew that something was off, that she was weak. Usually flying was exhilarating, this time it felt like she was going to drop out of the sky at any moment. It made her appreciate the fact that Lena’s apartment was the first stop on her daily predawn patrol. THis way she didn’t have to think about how to get there, the route was basically muscle memory at this point. 

The whole commute would have taken her less than a second if she had been at full strength, but she knew that, while she was in this condition, there was no way she would be able to sustain her flight if she attempted to use her superspeed as well.

A two minute flight left Kara floating outside of Lena’s west window. She kept enough distance to not be hovering over the way to inviting balcony. There was no way she would get back into the sky once she had landed and if Lena sent her away she didn’t want to have to walk through her apartment first. 

So she stayed where she was and watched Lena huddled together on her couch with what looked like a shattered glass on the ground next to her. The way she knew Lena it had probably contained scotch. It looked like Lena was sobbing. She looked so vulnerable and hurt. Kara had seen Lena hurt. Kara had seen Lena vulnerable. Kara had even seen Lena cry, but it had never been like this. Lena wasn’t allowing Kara a glimpse through a carefully crafted window in her walls. This time there were no walls and Lena wasn’t letting her through. Kara looked away in a futile attempt to give her friend some privacy.

Her ears picked up the sounds of glass moving and footsteps. She looked up to see Lena in her kitchen throwing the useless shards away. The moment Lena turned around she would see Kara. So it was now or never. She had to make a decision now before the circumstances made it for her. She gathered all her mental strength and moved forward to lightly tap on Lena’s balcony door.

At first, she wasn’t sure whether Lane had heard her, but then she turned around. Lena looked like she had been through hell, which is probably what she considered Kara’s life now that she had seen the truth. They both stayed where they were, not knowing how to approach the other after this unexpected situation. They stared at each other, neither moving a muscle, each giving the other time to decide whether or not they actually wanted to have the conversation that would undoubtedly transpire if Kara landed on Lena’s balcony.

Then Lena seemed to make up her mind and slowly walked towards Kara. She unlocked the glass door and pushed it open. She sounded insecure and deeply shaken as she spoke.

“You can come in. If you want. You look like you’re about to fall out of the sky.”

Kara hesitated before answering. 

“I think I’d like that.”

Lena gestured for her to come inside. KAra slowly floated down onto the balcony, her shoes splashing onto the cement. She almost dragged herself inside. Lena, still wearing the DEO clothes, handed Kara a towel. Then she motioned for them to sit down. 

Lena had a U-Shaped sofa, so Kara sat on the part that faced away from the window and Lena back down to the one that faced the TV on the north wall. They sat in suffocating silence, until Kara’s concern for her friend out grew her fear of rejection.

“Are you alright?”

Lena’s head snapped up to look at her.

“You are asking me that?!” She asked incredulously. Kara was confused. She was supposed to be okay, so of course she would ask whether Lena was okay.

“Ummm, yes?”

“Why?”

“Because I'm worried about you Lena! Sorry I shouldn't have yelled.” Kara scolded herself for her outburst. She shouldn't be so sensitive, Lena was just new to this.

“It's fine Kara. I'm fine.” Kara didn't believe Lena.

“Are you sure about that?” Lena smiled sadly at Kara's half hearted attempt at teasing.

“It's nothing I can't handle.”Kara arched an eyebrow. Lena stared back at her and they truly locked eyes for the first time since the kidnapping. Kara saw her own pain reflected in Lena’s kryptonite orbs and it broke her.

“I'm so sorry, Lena!” She sobbed. Kara broke into tears, pulling her knees up and resting her arms on them. She wept for all she had put her friend through, sobs wracking her body.

“Why?” Lena asked, sounding utterly lost.

“Because when I looked into your eyes, I saw the same pain I hide everyday. Because you had to go through something that was never meant for a human to see. Because I couldn't save you from those kidnappers. Because I lied to to you. Because you're the one who got and I'm the one crying on your sofa…”

“Hey, hey, hey. Kara. I don't blame you for lying to me about you being Supergirl and you just had to relive your biggest trauma. You have every right to be crying right now.” She heard Lena shift on the couch towards her, but then she seemed to hesitate. 

“That's not what I meant.” Kara sighed. She sent a hidden glance Lena’s way. The brunette seemed indecisive about what to do next. She just shook herself and curled her legs up.

“What did you mean?”

“huh?” Kara looked up towards Lena.

“You just said that's not what you meant. What did you mean?”

Kara took a deep breath. “The lying. I am sorry that I lied to you about being Supergirl, but that wasn't what I meant. I’m sorry for the other lies.”

“What other lies?” She heard a definite change in her friend’s tone. Please no, don’t hate me! , she immediately scolded herself for that selfish thought. Lena had every right to hate her. And every right to know.

“The lies I don’t tell but work into our reality. The lies behind all the things I do. The ones behind all the things I don’t do…”

“I think that I still don’t get it.”

“I lie to you everytime I tell you that I’m good. Everytime I tell you that I have dealt with my issues. I lie when I come to you as Kara Danvers and when I see you as Supergirl, because neither of them are me. I lie to you every time I say that I slept well. I lie every time that I smile at strangers…”

“Then why do you smile at strangers?”

“Because I shouldn’t take my baggage out on them.” Lena scoffed at that.

“What?”

“I’m sorry I shouldn’t have done that. I’m just new at this whole friend thing and this is a lot to process so I’m just… I don’t know.”

“It’s alright Lena. It’s alright if you are having trouble processing, this wasn’t meant for a human brain. It's alright if you don't want to talk right now. It’s alright if you hate me…”

“Why would I hate you Kara?”

“Because you just got blasted with a shit ton of baggage and trauma that I should have dealt with years ago. Because I lied to you. Because I put that burden on you!...”

“Kara I don't hate you!”

“You don't?” How was that possible? 

“I saw more than just the bad stuff, I saw your memories here on earth. I know how you feel about me. I felt your trust in me. I don’t blame you for lying to me. But that is the only thing I can forgive you for, because the rest is not your fault. My mother forced us to see what we saw so that is her fault and I will never forgive her for putting you through that. And no one gets to put a time limit on grief. No one. Everyone takes different amounts time and different ways to deal with their trauma. Why do you think that you should have processed this already?”

Kara could hardly believe it, even she desperately wanted to. Lena didn’t blame her. Lena didn’t believe that she had failed in her duties…

“Do you think me weak?” she burst out, surprising even herself. Lena looked up at her as if she grown three additional heads.

“Of course not! Why would I ever think that?”

Kara’s heart clenched, as Lena’s words sliced through her outer walls like they were rice paper. She decided that Lena was worth the truth, if she wanted it. So she answered a question about her insecurities honestly for the first time in a decade.

“Because I haven't dealt with this stuff. Because I still let it affect me everyday. Because I’m stupid. Because I can’t move on from that. Because I still wake up with that light blinding me. Because I failed to teach Clarke about our ways…” Kara started crying and Lena moved again, not hesitating this time, and enveloped Kara in her arms.

“You are not weak, Kara.” Lena cut of Kara’s rambling with a voice of steel. “You're not now, nor have you ever been. You are the strongest person I’ve ever met. I felt like that before and I still do now. You literally lost everything you knew and loved and yet you still welcome everyone into your heart with open arms and an open mind. You get up everyday, go out there and save people’s lives. You carry the weight of two worlds on your shoulders and you do it with an unfathomable grace and kindness. You have saved my life countless of times and while doing so your friendship saved me, the Lena under the Luthor. You push your own troubles to the back of your mind and put everyone else first. And did I just hear you say you were stupid? I saw the exams 11-year-old you aced. I didn’t see most of that stuff until I was well into college! And that is just the stuff I could understand!”

Kara was sobbing so hard now that both her and Lena were shaking. She hadn’t known how much she needed to hear someone say that. SHe had to gain control of herself though. She shouldn’t burden Lena with all of this. She pulled away and sucked her emotions back inside her. She smiled at Lena. Lena did a double take and said;

“Well that’s just plain creepy.” her Irish accent slipping through. Kara raised an eyebrow. “How did you do that? Even I can’t do that and I was trained by the Luthor’s and their ‘esteemed friends’.” Kara sighed and let some of her exhaustion shine through.

“Lots of practice.” This time it was Lena’s turn to raise an eyebrow. “ I understood pretty quickly that it wasn’t okay on this planet to be sad all the time and if you were people would come up to you and try to make things better. I learned quickly that if you smiled people would believe you when you said that you were okay. Also no one wants to be around a sad person and I don’t like to be alone so I stopped being sad around other people and decided to just be grateful for everything they were doing for me.” Lena’s jaw actually dropped at Kara’s words. “What?”

Lena seemed to take a moment to collect herself. “There is just so much wrong with that story. Let’s start with; why do you not like to be alone?”

“Start with?” What was Lena talking about? She was here to comfort Lena not the other way around, besides what was there to do? And what had she done wrong now?

“Yeah, from what I’ve seen you seem to have so many issues that they dwarf mine and yours aren't even your fault. I want to help you work through them, like you have been doing with me. If you want to that is. I know that it isn't any of my business to know what I know and that you never wanted me to see what I saw, so I would understand if you never wanted to talk to me again or simply ignore what happened last night. I’ll go along with whatever you want to do. It’s your memories, your head and your life so it’s your decision, but I want to be able to do something for you like what you do for me. If you’ll let me?”

Kara was shocked. She knew that she had problems, but no one had ever volunteered to help her with them. They always just asked whether she was okay and then left it at that. The Danvers had tried to help, but they always wanted her to focus on her future and adapting to this foreign world. What Lena was offering was different. Lena was offering to get deep down into the dirt with her and dredge up what had been haunting her nightmares for decades. She was offering to bear these inhuman burdens with her and while Kara was grateful for that she was afraid that they would crush Lena.

“I don’t think you know what you are agreeing to. I’m an alien. I work differently. I can bare this, but I don’t know if you want to.”

“Wait you didn’t say can…”

“If any human can bare this, you can, but you already have to deal with so much…” She was about to cry again and the tear tracks on her cheeks hadn’t even dried yet.

“I want to help you Kara. I don’t want to push, but what I can’t bare is the thought of you having to deal with this alone any longer. Because that is what you have been doing. You have been dealing with this. Not processing, not coming to terms with it, not focusing on how to balance the old with the new. Instead you’ve been coming up with ingenious, if unhealthy and unsustainable, coping methods. So yes. I know this will be hard. Though I doubt it will be harder on me than on you. So Kara. May I try to help you?”

Kara looked Lena in the eyes for the first time since they broke it after starting their conversation. Seeing her pain in those eyes still hurt her as much as it did the first time. It startled her again how horrible the Luthors must have been to make such a smart, beautiful and strong woman doubt herself so much. If Lena had to bare this burden, she was at least entitled to the truth. There was just one thing….

“There is just one thing.”, Lena looked at her curiously, if somewhat afraid at the same time. “Your issues aren’t your fault either. Let me help you to. Let us help each other. Let us burden ourselves with the other’s burdens. Let us help each other find peace.”

Lena looked like she was wrestling with herself. Then she calmed down and seemed to relax for the first time since Kara came to the apartment. She crossed her legs and pushed her hair over her shoulder. Turning so she was facing Kara even more directly.

“Yes. I’ll let you help me, if you let me help you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you like this chapter? Did I do them justice? I have a question for next chapter. Should I do one focusing on Kara and one for Lena or should I go with a pingpong style; where the issues they are dealing with lead to a new one from tghe other person? I really would like to know your opinion. Thank you for being so patient! Love you all and as always thanks for reading until the end.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked this chapter! Thank you so much for reading!


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